I remember when I was depressed and I thought...
"the world has no water".
"Where did that thought come from?",
I had filled my head with so much negativity. I didn't even realize anymore that I was thinking my own thoughts. I felt the world was dark and my thoughts were too and I just wanted to sleep and get away from all the "doom and gloom" thoughts.
However, deep down I never let go of the fact that I knew they were MY thoughts, but seeing others in delusions and being impressionable... I thought I was on my way to becoming delusional too. They actually ask you often if you are hospitalized..."Do you hear voices?" We all hear our thoughts in our heads. What did that really mean? It scared me!
It is frightening to not accept reality and to believe another force can control you. Those who do have delusions may find a doctor and the right medicine and dosage to trust. It is wise to listen to caring professionals.
It sounded weird to the psychiatrist when I told him I had the thought..."the world has no water." I do not believe one thought is a sound basis for prescribing an anti-psychotic.
"Oh. That is very strange. You need Seraquil ", he responded.
I guess it scared me so much, but I wanted relief. I do remember that it was like being a horse with those blinders on...my thoughts couldn't expand...they became more organized somehow. So...possibly it did do me some good for that period of time.
I had wondered my dark fear. Was I becoming psychotic?
I didn't dare tell this doctor my other thought. "She has a thousand arms."
I had been studying Buddhism and Hinduism and my subconscious...my healthy
self was sending me a message.
I was thirsty for knowledge...the world has no water meant, in a poetic way, that I
could not find sustenance. There is a goddess in Hinduism represented by many arms because she is so nurturing, so giving and healing.
Being a Westerner and not making the connections to Eastern thought, Dr. Rice thought
I was having "crazy thoughts" and being in a mental hospital ... I did too.
I had an epiphany, however, in a park months later. I was sketching with some pastels and watching water spill into a fountain ... I wrote around that sketch "I told Dr. Rice the World Has No Water and He Said I Need Seraquil, but really what I needed was Sustenance."
Now I ask you? Is that thought really crazy or just poetic?