Sunday, December 30, 2007

It's 6:00am on Sunday and I've Been Up Since 5am

It's sooooo early, but I felt like getting up. Showered, had some carrot juice, not my usual coffee...because I might go back to sleep at some point.

I did get Norah Jones new CD.

I am trying to NOT feel guilty to buy something for myself. There are bills to pay, but I'm not being outrageous. It's just a CD,

A very nice woman allowed me to use her 10% discount card at Barnes and Noble. I was in front of her on line and I had been discussing with the cashier about the upcoming discount for teachers January 23rd and she just offered and he (the cashier) was okay with it. So, I said thank you and they both felt like they were in the holiday spirit and anyway these little exchanges with others makes life fun for me. Of course, there are the other not-so-fun-car -honking-for-no-reason-except-impatience brief encounters too! goes on. Here's something I heard recently that I would like to share.

A rabbi was talking about this week's parsha (that's the portion of the torah being read at this point in time). It is about the beginning of enslavement of Jews in Egypt.

The rabbi wrote about assimilation to the majority culture. What was interesting to me was the 'spin' on how we as individuals from any background, get used to the "status quo" or what our society expects of us.

He wrote that in Jewish thought we are "sparks of light" ever wishing to be closer to G-d. He talks of tunnels and light....suppose you are a spark of light and very happy with this feels good...and then one finds oneself in a tunnel and resisting this "Oh no! I was so happy as a spark of light!" Then one finds oneself in a cozy dark womb in the stomache of the mother and then gets used to that.

So then one says, "Oh, okay. This is nice. I can stay here. Nice! Sweet!" Then, again it is time to go through the tunnel to the light and one resists again. "NO! I am afraid! I like it here. I don't want to leave."

However, we must. So... we get used to our existence on earth and its trials and tribulations...yet we find out this is not forever and there are a series of changes and eventually the tunnel will come again and we are afraid and resisting death.

So. My point connected to depression is that depression is temporary and there will be light. Don't fall into the trap of thinking death is peace. How does one really know that for sure????

What I'm saying is the darkness of depression exists, but not forever. I learned sooooooo much from my depressions and I think if one is brave and aware one is sure to get "pearls".

There is hope. There is light. Acceptance of changes was something I realize I resisted...I was afraid.

Failing???? Punishing oneself???? That's a big one in depression. What does failing really mean? Not receiving what we expect? Will punishing ourselves for mistakes help??? NO!!!
Everyone messes up and yet...later on this is what makes us understand and learn about life if we aren't afraid to accept the reality.

You are never really alone. We are all in the human condition. It is depression that makes one feel alone. If you do feel alone....reach out to others. You'll find as I have everyone is struggling with something and we can help each other.

I think I'm gonna take a snooze now. Have a great day!!!

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