One thing about being disorganized is that you surprise yourself when you find something. Recently, I was cleaning out an old pocketbook and found some of my writing on the opposite side of a long receipt.
I have always made it a habit to date my writing so even on this lost piece of writing there is a date 12/21/03 A.M.
Here is this writing:
"Some searches are frenzied --- the kind like searching for the keys to the house - you could swear they were right on the key rack and yet now nowhere to be found - vanished into the void and you search and you search and the time is ticking and you fear you will not find them in time and the conflict is you must leave and you'll be late and you cannot accept to be late nor the reality that you must depart without the precious keys who have vanished. You feel desperately lost and foolish and judge yourself harshly merely because they (the keys) had to be there for you DID put them there ... YOU SWEAR IT!
Another search is oh so much more pleasant - it is the one for the "hidden treasure" like nana's ring - well - the ring that was hers given to her by her mom on her 18th birthday and given to me on mine (eighteenth birthday) The ring could not possibly evoke fear since it has embedded in its materiality the spirituality of a bond - a love so great and pure between nana and me. So, searching for "it" was looking for nana and that type of looking could only be filled with joy. The onyx ring, not wearable now - in need of repair, yet even the sharp edges of the broken silver could not pierce one - rather the sharpness represented a search for clarity and truth, a beacon of light. So, as I enter in this search I do not fear, because I am guided by nana's love to the place where her love is now, gently hiding to be discovered and no matter the length of the search. Time is irrelevant. I will find it."
Sunday, March 21, 2010
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1 comment:
Hi Nancy,
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I miss you, too. I hope you are really returning to this blog. It's so nice to keep in touch with you through it. I am still excited that you are writing. I would love to hear more about your process and what you are reading. It's so great that you found this note from 2003. I was close to my nana too. I'm learning slowly how important concrete details are to writing. There's some magical power to it.
I am very slowly transcribing my journals. I dip into different time periods to keep it interesting and to avoid getting bogged down with too much emotion. Do you write in a journal? It's fascinating to objectify the stages of my life and to jump around in time. I'm learning that the writing process is not linear, that is it doesn't really go from A to B to C, but rather from D to Z to A, etc...
Anyway, it's good to hear from you again and keep blogging!
Kate
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