Friday, March 14, 2008

My Subconscious Warns Me!

Sometimes my subconscious warns last night in my dreams.

I was talking to people and totally disinterested in what anyone was saying. They were concerned with their outer appearance and such and such and making lots of chit chat. It was as if they were talking from the other side of an air-tight shut window. Their voices were muffled and I couldn't make out what they were saying.

I remember as a teenager one time going to a museum and seeing a painting filled with the poofy comfort of a fluffy blanket, pillow, curtains...very luxurious and feeling like I was suffocating. I suffered so much from asthma and my mom cleaned "like the dickens" and the windows were always tightly shut so no pollen could get in. I was allergic to dust among many other things.

I remember wheezing and drinking hot teas with lemon and feeling relief!

Back to the painting, I missed so many fun, family events and stayed home in my dumb, comfy bed. I hated it! It meant prison. I think I am a bit claustrophobic due to these experiences.

Sometimes some people grow up feeling very dependent on others to help them. My dad always reminds me that I would say since a very young age "I can do it myself!" I think children want to be independent and I was striving to be so.

I have been sick and exhausted and dependent lately and this dream reminded me that this is the road to depression -- feeling angry at myself, spending a lot of time in bed and lacking interest in anything else, except the anxiety that my paperwork at my job has now become a mountain.

Sometimes my subconscious warns me! I turned on some music, laughed with a friend about my predicament, showered, went for a walk. I am okay again!

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